Is your winter sweater too itchy? Try these wearable (!) porcelain clothes from artist Li Xiaofeng.

Via Neatorama

What’s that you say? Turd Baby? Yes.

Via Neatorama via Miss Cellania via Flickr via Taiwan

Tired of being able to access all of the websites you want? Try the Firefox plugin China Channel and free yourself from the unfettered world of the uncensored internet. You won’t not find yourself to not be misunderwhelmed.

Via Gizmodo

The question: is she gesturing to the photographer or the beggar? Please let it be to the photographer.

From Alan Taylor’s essential photoblog, The Big Picture, come a series of arresting photographs from the 2008 Paralympics in Beijing. Below are a few of our favorites:

Remember Michael Phelps? Remember China? Here’s Michael Phelps learning Chinese:

In order to assuage fears that China would not be open to debate a criticism during the Olympic games, the government has set up three “protest zones”. Says Mo Yuchuan, director of the Research Center for Constitutional and Administrative Law at Renmin Daxue 人民大学:

The move to set aside protest areas is in line with Beijing’s promises to the International Olympic Committee to adhere to the Olympic traditions, such as free expression outside the sporting venues. It offers a new channel for the protestors (sic) to better express their opinions by attracting the eyes of tourists, reporters and officials during the Games.

So how is this arrangement turning out? Quite well if you believe that nobody wishes to protest. Not so much if you travel to the three zones and find them empty. Even worse when you realize that some applicants have been arrested. When questioned about why nobody has been allowed top protest, Beijing Organizing Committee for the Olympic Games vice president Wang Wei said:

China has stepped forward. The ordinary Chinese in the street will give the same answer. Do not underestimate the wisdom of the Chinese people. Do not think that you are smartest.

In related news, five US activists have been detained after unfurling an LED “Free Tibet” banner in Beijing. Regrettably, Tibet remains quite expensive.

First China vows to open access to media during the Olympics. Turns out that was a joke. Now the International Olympic Committee has sent its minions accross China to tape over unauthorized displays of the Olympic rings. Although the Chinese government has a substantial lead in the Douchebagoffery, the IOC is gaining ground. Who will reach the bottom first?

Windows only: PPstream is a peer-to-peer (P2P, or if you must, PP) video client that allows for live streaming and sharing of television and movies from China. Catch favorites such as CCTV (中国中央电视台) channels 1, 2, 3, 5, 7, and 17, movies of questionable legality and plenty of Olympics. The PP streams offer a golden opportunity to soak up immerse yourself in dip your toe into watch a deluge torrent bunch of TV from China. Sorry.

Direct link to installer here. Instructions here.

China is rich in natural and cultural resources. Which resources? you ask. Scienticians have revealed the new Periodic Table of Awesoments, which supplants the now-obsolete Periodic Table of Elements. Let us briefly consider which elements abound in China:

1. Bacon: yes
2. Ninja: no
3. Batman: no
4. Explosion: yes
5. Mountain Dew: maybe
6. Beer: yes
7. Chocolate: yes
8. Cheese: yes
9. Pirates: YES
10. Sniper: yes
11. Chuck Norris: yes

Other criticism of the 2008 Beijing Olympics pales in comparison to the newest shocker: Athletes will not compete in the nude, even though the Greeks originally competed with nary a loincloth. Viewers and gods alike will be forced to imagine the glistening, olive-oiled bodies under mounds of confining cloth. Oh China! What have you done to our beloved games? If we wanted to watch a bunch of never-nudes, we’d watch some cheap Roman rip-off. Boycott?

The International Olympic Committee (IOC) has admitted that the Beijing Organizing Committee for the Games of the XXIX Olympiad (BOCOG) will indeed censor the internet during the upcoming Olympics.

Says IOC press chief Kevan Gosper:

“I regret that it now appears BOCOG has announced that there will be limitations on website access during Games time.”

In related news, there is no need for direct access to information, according to the CCP Central Committee’s limb, the People’s Daily:

“The Games will definitely act as a window through which people staying at home and coming from outside can exchange glances in a free and friendly manner. There is no need to peep into each other’s realms, as the new window encourages people from different backgrounds to meet halfway through direct communications.”

-and-

“It is evident that any mature host would like to open itself to criticism from its guests, and any constructive criticism would only help the host improve. It is also well-documented in Olympic history that any din or noise, loud as it is, has no reason to disrupt the Games, as the Olympic spirit will eventually survive and foil any fault-finding attempts. That is why the Beijing Olympic Organizing Committee has decided to initiate communication by granting freedom to the media.“

In summary:

• 0*½=∞
• shut up you!

UPDATE:

“China’s openness to foreign media would remain after Games.” The subjunctive begs the question: This openness would remain if what?

We’re all really hyped up about the Olympics here at ESinophile Headquarters, so we’re going to do a few posts about the games.  Consider this the pollution post.

Here comes the Olympics!  Hooray, right?  Unfortunately, It seems that the air in and around Beijing, not to mention the waters around Qingdao, haven’t gotten the memo about the need for a harmonious particulate count.  Here’s are few reports after the jump:

The Boston Globe is running a stunning photo-essay on the final preparations for the 2008 Beijing Olympics. Don’t read this, just look. Favorites below.

Again, there is a newly digitized collection of old China photos placed online for us to enjoy.  This time the danwei to be thanked is the Library at Duke University.  Consider my hat doffed to you, oh fine librarianites.  Outstanding photos at outstanding resolutions.  As I couldn’t say it any better, for background, I’ll make bold to nick their entire intro blurb:

From 1908 to 1932, Sidney Gamble (1890-1968 ) visited China four times, traveling throughout the country to collect data for social-economic surveys and to photograph urban and rural life, public events, architecture, religious statuary, and the countryside. A sociologist, renowned China scholar, and avid amateur photographer, Gamble used some of the pictures to illustrate his monographs. The Sidney D. Gamble Photographs digital collection marks the first comprehensive public presentation of this large body of work that includes photographs of Korea, Japan, Hawaii, San Francisco, and Russia. The site currently features photographs dated between 1917 and 1932; the 1908 photographs will be digitized and uploaded as part of future additions to the site.

More excellent  photos after the break:

Robert Scheer, Editor in Chief of Truthdig, inspired progressive, consummate broken-record, articulate polemicist, and occasional weirdo has written an article entitled “Taiwan Declares Peace on China” in which he excoriates neocons for wasteful military spending by holding up the example of the truce between China and Taiwan for comparison.

The question is, does he too eagerly succumb to the self-interested rhetoric of both sides when he declares that “this long chapter of Cold War conflict has been closed and a new era of peace proclaimed by once strident foes”? A provocative, if problematic, read.

So, for the first time in roughly, forever, the friendly folks at your neighborhood Chinese bank have issued a new ten yuan note.  No biggie you say?  Take another gander.  Not only are they special Olympic notes, there’s no Mao anywhere to be seen on them!  Personally, I haven’t actually seen one in my hands though.  I’m suspecting that he’s hiding up at the top of the bird’s nest.  Hang on…  I think I need to take a closer look at that image from the other side after the jump…

Do you:

• like sappy, saccharine, melodramatic pop
• view China and Chinese society as a monolith
• require cameos from famous stars
• have poor musical taste?

If yes, you might be interested in the official theme song for the 100-day countdown celebration to the 2008 Olympics, “Welcome to Beijing” 《北京欢迎你》

It’s not my cup of tea, but have at it:

Lyrics in Chinese below:

As fluent speakers of Chinglish, the world’s best language, we welcome the advancement of this venerable and pleasing tongue. A recent article in Wired forsees an even greater influence of Chinglish on English in the future. Don’t agree? 去死吧你 “Go die, You!”

Chances are that you are sitting there, like I was, trying to read some scrawled chicken-scratchings purported to be Chinese.  You know that the word you are looking at should be ‘died,’ but the glory of Chinese allows for many different combinations that mean that.  To do a decent transcription, you certainly need, like I did, 166 synonyms for ‘die’ in Chinese.

God, i love the internet.

Behold the majestic Shanzhai Glider 山寨滑翔机 (shānzhài huáxiángjī). See how it lifts gracefully into the air. Dry your sweaty palms as you await its landing. Will our intrepid hero make it?

More on the fascinating term 山寨 shānzhài here and here.

The Chongqing Wild Zoo 重庆野生动物园 has taught wolves how to sing and hopes to teach them how to dance. Says zookeeper Luo Yong:

“Once I was playing guitar and singing the song ‘I Am A Wolf From The North’, and a young wolf I raised walked up to me and stared at me. Suddenly he howled with the rhythm, and even patted the strings with his claw.”

Well then!

Coco Wang has produced a series of simple and shattering comics strips about the 5.12 earthquake. Do not miss them!

Link (via BB and MF)

Instead of the normal 0 penises on the back, this adorable baby, born to a farming family in Henan province, has 1. In related news, 2 penises are funnier than 1.

Link (NSFW, I guess)

It seems that the beloved term jia you 加油 (come on!; go!, lit. “add oil”) is being replaced by an official Olympics cheer. The Beijing Olympic Organising Committee and the Ministry of Education plan to indoctrinate introduce the new cheer to tens of thousands of potential Olympic attendees. Facelessness will be harder to teach.

Via Foundinchina and BBC

All readers of the internet turn with undying devotion and respect to our beloved People’s Daily. Despite the blatantly false lies of a minority of lying liars, those who know anything will agree: The Beijing Olympics are to be the best ever held in Olympic history.

Also, what is Nancy Pelosi Really Up To?

And, the Tibetan Youth Congress is worse than al-Qaeda.

And, political attempts doomed to fail.

And, media abroad have reappraised not only the contemporary China but also its armed forces.

In part three of our ongoing series, we turn toward the best kind of nationalism—needles in the head. Apparently, Dr. Wei Sheng surpassed his previous word-record of 1790 needles, a laughably tiny number, with, you guessed it, 2008 needles.

In related news, Pinhead is showing his Olympic spirit with spikes of his own.

Link (via Neotorama)

To celebrate the addition of BMX Racing to the Olympics games in 2008, Nike and BMX legend Bob Haro are putting on a multimedia art show in Beijing. Called “Lightning Bolts,” the show has ramps, screens, and best of all, stylized number plates. Pics here and here.

In slightly related news, some people are riding their bikes from Athens to Beijing. Sheesh!

The U.S. plans to dig deep into its pockets and give the staggering sum of $500,000 to China to help with the earthquake. In related news, asshole deadbeat dad gives ex-wife $1 to raise their son.

Link

Most of people have seen the photos of Sun Yat-sen, Huang Xing, Qiu Jin (and check the Qiu Jing Project), and many other revolutionists when studying the 1911 Revolution. Now Princeton University Library provides another way to look into this critical point of Chinese modern history. Through 31 poster-like block prints, we can nee the struggle between the revolutionists and Manchu government, the contemporary viewpoints, the forms of media, and the issue of “modernity”.

Most of them are propaganda prints that side with revolutionist. One of them shows the foreign relations of China in the form of caricature map. (BibliOdyssey has more detailed discussion on this map)